How God’s children deal with guilt and shame
January 29, 2011
A S T O R Y
“I feel so guilty,” Marie told her friend Jeannie when she saw her at church. “Here you’ve been sick in bed for three weeks, and I didn’t even call to see how you were doing.”
“Oh, that’s okay,” Jeannie replied. “I feel terribly guilty for neglecting my family for more than a month now. I even spent two days in the hospital, and when I was home I was too weak to clean house or cook good meals. My poor family. I really let them down.”
There was a moment of silence, and then both women broke out in smiles and leaned forward for a big hug. “We’re so guilty,” Marie said. “I think we should turn ourselves in.”
Jeannie grinned. “You know,” she said, “in a way we are both guilty. How many times have I given in to temptation and said or done things I should never think about, much less say or do.”
“Me, too. I’m sure I’ve fallen down more times than you have.”
“That’s kind of you to say, but one thing I’ve learned.”
“What’s that?”
“There’s something worse than guilt.” Jeannie waited a few moments. “Shame.”
1. The shame of the first sin. Were Adam and Eve guilty of sin against God? What emotion do you think they felt more strongly after the truth about their sin began to sink in: guilt or shame? Under what circumstances is it possible to experience guilt without shame? How can the Eden story bring comfort to human beings who give birth to children who grow up disobedient and rebellious? How did their sense of guilt and shame lead them to back away from the consequences of their sin? How long did it take for Adam and Eve to learn to ”pass the buck”? Do we Christians ever play this game?
2. Joseph’s guilty brothers. How jealous were Joseph’s brothers of their little brother? How did they feel after they dumped him in a well and he vanished? How do you think they agonized over that terrible day during the years that followed? How do you think they dealt with their shame when they were around their father? Is it possible for us to forget terrible things we did many years ago? Would you agree that the revealing by Joseph of his identity to his brothers is one of the most dramatic scenes in all of Scripture? Didn’t the brothers deserve every stab of remorse they felt at that time? What emotions reign over the reunion that takes place? Was that a miracle? Explain.
3. Guilty David. Is it possible for a human being to function in society without having occasional feelings of guilt? King, musician, poet, and mighty warrior he was, but what serious problems did David have in dealing with his emotions? Should David have felt guilty for his murderous acts, his jealousy, his reckless ways? Does God have an antidote for the consequences of guilt? How did David respond when he absorbed the reality of God’s love for him “no matter what”? Is it God’s plan for us to live such sin-free lives that we will never have guilt feelings? What are some of the physical and mental dangers of carrying too much guilt in our lives? Do you ever use music or poetry as David did to tame your feelings of rage or shame? If not, what works for you?
4. Peter’s words. Have you ever pledged or promised something you had a hunch you could never deliver? Or are you careful never to make a promise you can’t fulfill? Is it a good idea to leave out the words “never” or “always” when making a promise? Why? In the excitement of a major event, is it possible to forget what you’re saying and go deeper and deeper into your sweeping promises or declarations? Does that ever happen to you? What did forgiveness have to do with Peter’s rescue from sliding down a hill built on the slope of his own ego? Are you and I ever in need of being “jerked around” a bit to awaken us to our own shortcomings?
5. Forgiving Power. Our lesson guide states that God’s forgiveness far exceeds man’s. Explain how that can be. Some say we are forgiven before we sin; we just have to claim the forgiveness we’ve been given. Is that how you feel about God’s forgiveness? God abhors sin in its every manifestation. How does his willingness to forgive correspond with his hatred of sin? Does He give us one chance per sin to overcome? How many shortcomings or sins can we tolerate in our family members? Do we sometimes set people so far above us that we lose hope when we find out that these people need forgiveness as much as anyone else?
6. Guilt’s effect. If you see a mental health provider, chances are you’ll be encouraged to talk about feelings of guilt that you harbor. Obviously, the therapist can’t forgive you. So why is it helpful to talk about how guilty you feel? Why does the therapist want to free you from your feelings of guilt? If you let guilt guide you, what kind of a life will you have? On the other hand, if you convince yourself that no matter what you choose to do, there can be no guilt, what could be the consequences? Is there a way to acknowledge your sin, accept forgiveness, and let God take care of your guilt?
When you read God’s Word, think about what it says about God. What kind of a God is He?
God bless you!
JG
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